Mastery: Our Nations Missing Mantra

 

Mastery is such a fascinating topic! As I am reading through the book "Mastery: the Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment" I have come to realize that we as a nation are trading mastery for quick- fix, instant gratification, entertainment and pleasure. I am fearful of what the future will hold for us and how long we will be able to maintain our freedoms as we pursue paths that lead to addiction, idleness, and apathy. We are learning to make everything easy and to avoid hard things. We want something for little or nothing invested. There is a quote that explains this in the book, " The same climate of thought that would lead some people to the promise that they can learn a new skill or lose weight without patient come a long-term effort leads others to the promise of great riches without the production of value in return."

We need to change the narrative and open our eyes to the truth that anything worth getting will require hard work and effort. Otherwise, it probably isn't worth much! This is one of my biggest concerns for my children. I see some of them wanting everything to be fun and easy and when they are confronted with something that requires a great amount of effort, they quickly lose interest and decide they aren’t that interested after all. I have been trying to figure out how to inspire them to choose SOME path of determined effort and growth. I want them to create a vision for themselves and then start to work step-by-step to create their dreams for themselves. First, they need to start to sincerely dream. I hope to change this narrative for my children and those who I have influence on. I can start with myself and go from there. As I pursue hard fought successes and continue to improve myself, I can inspire others to do the same. As I make small incremental improvements day by day and week by week, I can model the method of self-improvement and eventual self-mastery. If enough parents and leaders become aware of this epidemic of idle free loading and avoidance of discomfort of any kind, then maybe we can change the tides in our great nation, one person at a time. 

 

A Hero's Journey

 I listened to a short presentation called "The Hero's Journey". It was very insightful and I gained some insights and understandings that will benefit me in my life. I also was given some valuable exercises that I plan to implement. He talked about interviewing people at different ages/stages of life about what is most important in life. He said there will be various ideas in most age categories. But the age 60+ category will all say the same thing, more or less. They will say the 3 most important questions you will ponder at the end of your life will be the following:

1) Have I made a difference in the world?

2) Was I a good person?

3) Who did I love and who loved me?

When you consider these questions, you realize that a lot of what we stress over and spend our time on each day doesn't fall under these three questions very often. It is a real wake up call to consider how I can make these questions a priority and a focus as I live my day to day life.

Another important point of the speech was the idea of finding a calling that fits your special gifts. This may take some time to discover. A recommendation to ask 5 people that I know very well and ask them to take time to talk to me about what I do better than anyone else in the world. It is important to press them for specifics and for examples from my life that support their observations of my unique gifts and talents. This way I can more accurately determine what my calling should be. This calling must be something that serves others and that truly matters to me. As I use my gifts to change the world, it will change me in the process. This reminds me of the scripture where the Lord tells us that those who lose their life in the service of others/God will find it. And those that save their life (or focus on themselves) will lose it. 

Deconstructing my Fears - a POWERFUL Exercise

 This week I had a liberating assignment. Who knew a school assignment could be so influential in my life? The assignment was a process worksheet in which I took time to identify the fears which crop up with my current life goal of going to law school. I started out by sitting with myself and truly pondering what fears I had. As I considered this, I began to type up the various fears that came to mind in relation to attending law school. It was a very emotional experience as I dug deep and put the fears in words and confronted them head on. Once I had put down the 5 fears that I have I just sat in my chair and looked at them and read them through a few times and felt them deeply. I will admit I even cried as I felt the worst-case scenarios of my various fears. Then I shifted gears mentally and looked at how I could mitigate the risks of these worst-case scenarios. I began to resolve each fear or concern and how I could avoid them occurring all together. It felt wise and empowering that I could make a plan to avoid these fears happening. It was also empowering to bring them to light instead of knowing they were lurking in the shadows of my subconscious. Additionally, in step three of the exercise, I determined how I could get back to the status quo should the worst-case scenario happen. I would be disappointed if this did happen, but I would be okay. This is what this step gave to me. It seems that our fears of the unknown can cripple us or keep us from pursuing our dreams. Taking time to put a name to them and identify what they are exposes them so that you can then deal with them. It made me also consider the fears my children have and how this same exercise could help them face their fears and conquer them. 

Integrity _ The greatest of all virtues

 I have always considered myself an honest person. I don't tell lies and I do good work. I never thought that my integrity would be tested at the age I am now. However, I learned a lesson on integrity that really hit me to the very center of my spirit and I found myself repenting and committing to be a more honest person. I didn't even completely recognize that I was not having integrity at first. We were selling a travel trailer about 18 months ago. It was a beautiful trailer and in excellent condition. I knew it would sell fast and I had a lot of interested buyers. The day came when one of the buyers made a good offer and we made a verbal agreement over the phone and arranged the day to meet to go over all the components of the trailer to show them how to work everything. The day before they came I noticed an outdoor speaker that was broken on the outside of the trailer. We really didn't use the outdoor speakers that much and I hadn't noticed that it had been broken. At first I thought, "Oh, I didn't realize that was broken. I wonder how it happened. I guess they didn't notice when they came to look at the trailer the first time. Oh well, it's up to them to look over everything thoroughly. I wasn't intentionally trying to hide it because I didn't even know that had happened." 

They came the next day with the cashier's check ready for the walkthrough of the trailer. I had already forgotten about the broken outdoor speaker. I wasn't intentionally trying to be dishonest. However, I didn't make it a point to be completely transparent either. I could have sent a text with a picture of the broken speaker the day before when I noticed it. I just didn't make it important enough to address it with the buyers right away, so I forgot about it. As we were doing the walk through the husband noticed the speaker and asked about it. I told him I didn't know how it happened. I felt very embarrassed at that moment that I hadn't sought for complete transparency immediately. It wasn't outright dishonesty, but I was displaying lack of integrity because I should have brought it to their attention as soon as it came to my attention. I felt a grave need to repent and really examine my level of integrity. I felt great guilt and recommitted to be strict in observing my personal integrity from that time forth. Not an enjoyable experience, but a good learning lesson for me and I am grateful the Lord humbled me in that moment to teach me to be better.

Is it wrong for a mom/wife to have dreams for herself?

 

I had no idea my intro to entrepreneurship class would be such an emotionally stirring class for me. I don’t need it as a required class for graduation. Honestly, I could just take an easy Critical Thinking class for .5 credit instead of this 3-credit class to complete my required elective credits and save myself the time and money I will spend on it. But from the first time I saw it as an option and read the description, I was drawn to it. I don’t know if I will be an entrepreneur or anything, although I know I am smart enough and have the work ethic to be one. I think the Spirit was drawing me to this class because I need to feel I have the permission, even the right, to be the entrepreneur of my life…the Startup of ME! I am the 2^nd oldest of 7 kids. I have a brother who is 1 year older than me and I have always loved him dearly and been fiercely loyal to him. It would hurt me when others were mean to him or judged him. I was the more responsible of the two of us. I was the “oldest” when it came to home and family responsibilities. I think it is typically that way between boys and girls. I was the second mom in our home. I felt a great deal of responsibility to make my mom’s life easier as she was a child raising children, having been married at 15, giving birth to my brother at 16, and me at age 17, and the rest coming every couple of years after that and my youngest brother 8 years after the 6^th child. She always told me I was her “right hand” and she didn’t know how she would have managed without me there to help her. My dad was always proud of me, and I NEVER wanted to disappoint him. My parents had a rocky relationship, and they were often fighting. My mom needed a lot of love and attention, and my dad was a workaholic. My mom was quite controlling, and my dad didn’t want to deal with her so he worked all the time. My mom would often tell me they were going to get a divorce. I would be heart broken and cry in my bedroom. That is, until one day when I was in 7^th grade. That day as my mom drove me to school and told me, yet again, that they were going to get divorced because dad wouldn’t change, and she had had enough. I sat there emotionless and just counting down the seconds until I could get out of the car. My mom then looked at me and said, “Well Jennifer, how do you feel about this?” I looked at her and with as much humility and respect as I could possibly demonstrate, I said, “Mom, I don’t mean any disrespect by this at all, but…I’ll believe it when I see it?” It was as close as I had ever gotten to speaking my mind to my mom, and as respectful as I could possibly do so.

As the oldest daughter, I felt a responsibility to give my siblings all the love and encouragement and nurturing I could. They were my focus and highest priority. When my parents would fight, I would gather them all into my bedroom and close my door, turn on some music or read them books to distract them from what was going on with my parents. I would sometimes pray with them when it was really intense, and I would hug them and tell them that things would be okay. We bonded as siblings through these hard times. I also remember that I was put in charge a lot. I would be the one to make sure that we all did our chores or got the house cleaned up. I learned quickly that the best way to get my siblings to cooperate was to be loving and to make everything fun. Otherwise, I would end up doing most or all the work by myself. I remember wishing I could have more play time as a kid and more freedom. It was such a treat to be allowed to go out in the neighborhood and play games with the kids who lived near us. My mom was not very keen on us playing outside for long periods of time. She had been sexually abused by a couple neighbors when playing outside and I think she feared for our safety. Plus, she needed my help with such a large family. I loved going to my grandparents houses because I could just play and be a kid. I did not have to worry about responsibilities of working, making dinner, watching the littles, etc. I remember my mom relied heavily on me. I wanted to play on a soccer team, but she couldn’t manage things without my help, so the answer had to be no. My brother and sister played on soccer teams, even though they were not as passionate about it as I was. They both were more difficult for my mom, so she saw the soccer team as a way for them to expend their energy and be involved in something good so they wouldn’t get into trouble. It made my heart ache watching them as I wished I could have been the one out there. I would say I am the most athletic of all my siblings and to this day, at age 47, I still am an athlete. I run 4-5 times a week year-round, hike and backpack in the spring, summer, and fall, snow ski in the winter, and go boating and camping with my family in the summer. I will play any sport and I don’t care if I am good at it at first or not. If I enjoy it, I will pick it up and excel at it rather quickly. I was not allowed the opportunities I desired growing up very often because my responsibilities at home were too all-encompassing. I learned at a very young age to put my desires and dreams second to everyone else’s needs. I felt I was being Christlike, and this was a good thing.

Now, I feel like I am battling within myself to know whether it is selfish of me to pursue my dreams and passions. I have my own family of 7 kids and a husband, and I love them and live for them. I am accustomed to putting my needs last, and definitely my wants and dreams. I have also trained myself to “be a realist” and not get my hopes up. Because whenever I would, I would get my heart broken. To protect myself, I became a realist and didn’t allow my emotions or hopes to get the best of me. When I learned to snow ski at age 44, I fell in love and within one year I was skiing black diamonds. That was after going skiing about 12 total times. Like I said, I can pick things up quickly. I am a fast learner when I love something, whether athletic or academic. I seek for excellence in anything I do. Perhaps it’s because I never knew how long I would be allowed to do something so I would go all in before my time to experience it expired.

I am an analytical person and am very logical in my thinking. I have been drawn to law and have often thought it would be cool if I could have been a lawyer. I think I would have been good at it. In the past year or so I have come to the realization that I can still be a lawyer and pursue my dreams. When I say this, most people are surprised. After all, I am a mother of 7 and I am 47 years old. I have decided to complete my bachelor’s in business the past few years, taking a break in between to have my last child (a bonus baby) at age 43. My 7 children are the most important mission in my life, and they definitely require a lot of work. But I dearly love them. It is my greatest desire to see them succeed. Now I have this other desire that is me focused- to go to law school. It feels almost selfish. I feel like I am supposed to just want to be a mother and be happy and fulfilled in it. But I want more, and I feel guilty for it. When I think about it, I feel like I should be helping to make my husband’s and kid’s dreams come true and help them to find their passion and gifts and develop them. But somehow mine are secondary to everyone else, just like when I was a kid. It is heartbreaking all over again and I feel so torn. Can I still be a good mother and wife and finally pursue MY dreams? I have no regrets as a wife and a mother, nor as a sister or daughter. I have not been perfect in any of these, but I have given them my all and am quick to repent when I realize I need to be better in some way in any of these roles. I don’t think I have ever done something so huge and me focused like going to law school. I am excited and scared at the same time. I am also confident I could do it. Then there’s the feeling of guilt that I should be happy and contented with the things allotted to me. I learned at a young age to lower my expectations, let go of my hopes and dreams, and accept and make the best of my circumstances and just be grateful. Can I be what everyone else needs and wants me to be for them and still pursue my dreams? Are my dreams important enough to spend my time and energy and effort on? Or should my time, energy and effort be consecrated to the dreams and needs of everyone else in my life? If I do pursue this dream, how do I still meet all the other needs and wants of my family and others in my life while doing so?

 

Level 5 Leader

 It's interesting, how a guy decides to research what makes companies go from good to great and sustain their greatness over the span of 15 plus years. He has a whole board of research assistants helping him dive into the elements that have made these companies great and it comes down to this idea of a Level 5 leader. This is a leader that essentially embodies the Christ-like qualities of humility and determination. It is the gospel of Jesus Christ embodied. If he had studied the life of Jesus Christ, he would have come up with the same results his many years . In the book, he explains that he doesn't have a specific guide for how to become a Level 5 leader, but recommends working to obtain the qualities of a Level 5 leader in order to try to become one. I do have a specific guide he could recommend to his readers who want to know specifically how to become a Level 5 leader. It's the "Come follow me" mandate from our Savior. As we attempt to refine ourselves in all areas of our lives with the help of the Holy Ghost, we can become more like Christ. That is what the purpose of this life is all about. It's about becoming. In this process we recognize our utter dependence on the Lord and we learn that the only thing we can give him is our will. This is what brings about the required humility of a Level 5 leader. Then it is our determined work that accompanies our faith that brings about the other balancing characteristic of willpower to do a great work for the benefit of mankind rather than our own aggrandizement. This humility and purpose greater than self is the essence of the gospel of Jesus Christ and our highest goal and mission as covenant children of our Heavenly Father.

Entrepreneurism class is going to ROCK! 

I just finished with all of the readings and videos for this week for my entrepreneurial class. I am so excited!! I think this is going to be my most favorite class. I love the concept of "The Start Up of You". It takes this class into a really cool direction and it applies to everyone. I learned some great things so far already and I am nervously excited about moving forward. I am nervous about networking. My husband is a master networker. I can learn a lot from him. I think I have set back and let him be the connector. But now it seems I will need to make my own individual efforts. I think I am nervous about it because I don't love social media nor email. I have a hard time following up at times too. These are all important aspects of networking. I am going to have to get over my fears and find ways to be better at following up. I am already thinking of multiple people i need to follow up with and it makes me feel stress because a lot of time has passed and now I feel awkward following up, even though I know I need to. I truly feel this class will help me move this weakness toward a strength. although I know it will take longer than a semester to do this. 

I feel that I already have an idea of my mission and direction in life right now, but it is not fine tuned. I look forward to detailing this path more and researching to determine next steps and stepping stones so that I can be more certain of my star destination. I am more confident that I am going to feel enthusiastic about my path as a result of the work I will do in this course. I can't wait to see where it will lead me!!